The question we have been asking ourselves for decades, can guys and girls be friends without getting feelings for each other? To answer this question, I decided to survey 25 students throughout the school. Would different opinions and perspectives settle this debate once and for all?
This debate became popular when the famous rom-com “When Harry Met Sally,” premiered in 1989. In this comedy, the main character, Harry, shares his belief that guys and girls cannot be friends without getting feelings for each other. Proving his point, Harry becomes friends with his female counterpart and falls in love with her. This caused people to think about their relationships with the opposite sex a little closer sparking the famous question whether a guy and a girl can be friends without getting feelings for each other.
Throughout my research I was careful to get the perspectives of both girls and guys. I found that most guys believed that it was not possible for a guy and a girl to be friends . However, most girls believe that while it is possible to be friends with a guy without giving feelings, it is very rare. One survey participant even shared that for this to work out, a lot of boundaries need to be set early on in the friendship.
“I believe that guys and girls can be friends since friendship doesn’t always have to turn into something non-platonic. I believe it’s possible, but probably rare. I think a lot of boundaries have to be set to be just friends with a guy,” stated a Sophomore F.
In this quote, a female participant explains how she believes that it is possible, but others stated that avoiding non-platonic feelings would take a lot of work to achieve. Both parties need to be on the same page about what the relationship is, and just as importantly, what it isn’t. Mixed signals are usually where things can begin to get messy.
Most of the men surveyed agreed that men and women cannot be friends. Most shared the opinion that whether they know it or not, someone always gets feelings for the other. This ultimately causes hurt feelings, which inevitably ends the friendship. Some participants brought up another point, “What if the involved parties are already in a relationship?” This was found to still be problematic because it would cause suspicions from the partners. If one or both people are dating someone else, being respectful and honest with everyone involved can help avoid jealousy and misunderstandings. This could be difficult to maintain while in a relationship.
“Someone always has some feelings for the other person at some point in their friendship despite sometimes denying it,” stated a Sophomore M.
Overall, the majority of students whom I surveyed believed that with boundaries and openness it’s possible for a guy and a girl to be friends with each other without getting feelings.
“Some people just bond like siblings or just best friends who understand each other.” concluded one Junior F.
However, most agree that it would take some work. The strongest friendships, regardless of gender, are built on being able to talk things through when something feels off.
